Responding to Situations

25 Nov

When you’ve known someone for years, spent time in their home countless times, shared joys and sorrows with them, and were comfortable enough to open their refrigerator, you’d think they know you well. Well enough to know how you respond to good and bad situations and know you well enough to trust that you will respond to future situations with the same integrity. It’s bizarre when someone feels like you can’t handle being around a person you used to be close to. So much so to the point where they think it’s best if you just left entirely when that person showed up because you’ll obviously blow up in their face or start a horrific fist fight. Because that is the exact person you are, didn’t you know?

 Let’s be real with one another, we all know there are times where we don’t always respond to our circumstances the way we should or the way we hoped we would when it was just a hypothetical question. My life the past few months (I’ve lost count) have been one gut punch after the other and at times I reacted immediately and with a lack of wisdom, but for the most part I have responded in a way that glorifies God and holds my integrity intact. So, it blows my mind to have people in my life who have applauded me for the way I’ve handled things, take to the extreme in their minds about how I’ll handle an “awkward situation.” What people don’t understand is that I’m fine. I’ve dealt with the loss, the pain, the realization that the friendship is over. And I’m perfectly fine where God has me. I’m exactly where He wants me. I’m ok! I’m good even! And I just can’t understand why everyone else is still stuck in a different place. It’s as if I don’t walk into church crying then I’m not ok. If I hold my head up high and smile as I worship then I’m clearly not handling this entire season well and there must be something wrong.

I don’t get it. I don’t understand. And at times it’s hard for me to separate myself from those people’s thoughts to remember that I am doing well. I can’t help but wonder if people are trying to reopen wounds because they think I should still be torn up and want to get a rise out of me or if they themselves haven’t actually moved on. I’m learning that if I move on, other people don’t always get there at the same pace as me. But I have to keep moving forward. I have to keep going. I can’t worry, because they will eventually catch up. And if they don’t, that’s for them to deal with, not me. I can’t take that upon myself to speed up that process. Do I comprehend why people want me to react and respond in a way that they know isn’t me? No. Did I let it bother me tonight? Yeah. But I won’t dwell on it. It’s a mystery to me to be in the midst of people whose Gospel is love, and be on the receiving end of them being so unloving. If you’re looking to get a rise out of me, it’s not going to happen. The only thing you’ll get from me is a righteous anger because you’re still stuck in this place and still holding onto the past and a series of situations that you weren’t involved in, in the first place and where the truth was diminished to pure gossip and here say. A sympathy will come over me that you take the time to believe things you hear and don’t attempt to get to know the person. I’m an adult, so I will be civil, not awkward. I love Jesus, so I will look on that person with all the love and compassion in my heart, not because anyone ever deserves it, but because that’s what I’m called to do. I will continue to hold my head up, because I’m still a child of an amazing King who calls me to look ahead, not behind. I’ll trip along the way when I forget that, but so will you. Wouldn’t this thing called life be so much better if instead of pushing people in the dirt, we got down in it with them to lift them out? 

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