I’m Abusive

21 Jan

I find myself sitting on a couch in my living room talking about the movie The Help, culture and change with my mom and step-sister. Somehow our conversation has shifted to rebellious stages of life, our own and that of people we love. It’s crazy because I find my heart breaking day after day watching someone I love not get it. Watching someone playing the prodigal son role and it leaves me in tears. I have an aching to run towards them and help, but i know I can’t. And then I look at my own life and the times I run away from God when He’s clearly trying to run after me and get my attention and speak truth into my life. Or even when He uses people wiser and older than me to do the same. I sit here and think to myself, “I’ve been guilty of abusing grace…” Grace that God extends to me, grace that people I love have shown me. I’ve taken advantage of the fact that God will forgive me or people in my life will forgive me and I’ve abused their grace. It’s one thing for us to show unconditional love and unending grace, which we are called to do even when it is difficult, because that’s who Christ is. But it’s another thing when that love and grace is poured out on us and we make a mockery out of it because we have the mindset, “God always forgives, it’s who He is, so I’m ok. Oh, my best friend, or my brother, loves me no matter what, so it really isn’t a big deal.” That mindset has damaged and ruined relationships in my life. Because it’s been my mindset towards others and other’s towards me. My kindness and willingness to forgive so quickly has been taken advantage of countless times, and I don’t say that to toot my own horn. I bring it up, because it’s made me aware of when I do it to others…and I do it a lot. And if we’re honest with each other, we all do. We have those people in our lives who we know will stick by us through anything and everything. We have a God who we’ve been told and has proven will never leave us. And we justify hurting Him and them because of the love they constantly lavish on us.

All week God has been reminding me of Romans 6:1-2 “Well then, should we keep on sinning so that God can show us more and more of his wonderful grace? Of course not! Since we have died to sin, how can we continue to live in it?” Yes, my God is a God who never lets go. A Savior who looks at me and says, “There’s nothing you could ever do to make me love you less.” And His amazing grace is constantly being poured over me. But when I know I’m in sin, when I know I’m not doing the things He’s asked me to do or called me to be, I can’t keep walking in that direction. We can’t keep justifying it, by using God’s grace as an excuse. It’s so very true that He will always forgive, but that doesn’t mean we don’t break His heart every time we do sin. Every time I choose to listen to me and ignore Him, I hurt Him. And that leaves a disgusting taste in my mouth because I think of all the times I have.

We have died to sin. Meaning it has no power over us any longer. Not that we live perfect lives and don’t mess up, but that it’s not our way of life any more. The life we live now, seeks to honor and glorify God in all we do and say and we look different from the rest of the world. I abuse His grace…I take advantage of His unconditional and unfathomable love because I know how quickly He’ll pick me back up, but I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want us as The Body to live like that. I want to make Him smile and obey Him simply because I love Him. I want to run away from the temptation to use the excuse, “He’ll forgive me anyway, so I can get away with this one more time.”

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